Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Squeal like a pig America! Obama is totally unstoppable now!

McCain tosses in the towel!

Senator John McCain: "Hopeless! Utterly hopeless! How can we hope to stop the awesome juggernaut that is the Shining Obama Machine! He is the Chosen One! Join me in bowing to his greatness!"

McCain shocked much of the world today by apparently surrendering to the inevitible, dropping to his knees in despair, his shoulders shaking with the bitter dregs of certain defeat.

McCain sobbed heartrenderingly. "Why even bother with a convention? This Savior Of All Mankind is unstoppable!"

Indeed it would seem so. Shackled by his long record of service and willingness to work with others for the common good of his country, McCain practically melted into the sidewalk when compared to the Chosen One's long weeks of community service (not to mention some pro bono legal work) to the helpless Rappers of Chicago's South Side. How could people even begin to compare records!

And the running mate debacle was the last straw that broke McCain's hated Republican back. How could a woman - a WOMAN! - a woman whose record of ferreting out corruption, even in her own party, or her hatred for bloated big government, or her TINY RECORD of effecting change and getting things done... how could that possibly compare to the lifetime of almost-incredible near-successes of the powerful man known in his hometown as "Little Joey Biden"?

How ironic that if McCain WERE to die in office, the country would be in good hands, but that Obama would HAVE to die for the country to be in good hands! Oh! What has brought us to this sorry state? "It 'twas..It 'twas...'SOAP POISONING'"

So, let this be a lesson to all dumbass Republicans out there: GIVE IT UP! Learn your lesson well, and begin to listen carefully to the advice of the Lofty Sages who live in the European Union: listen as they counsel you as to the road you must take in order to make them love America again. The importance of their love is so vital to America's success. Heed well! Nor should that important South African swing vote be overlooked! Give it up, McCain!

After all, if the last two presidential elections are any indication, about all the Republicans have going for them are the votes of the American people! You can't win elections that way!

GIVE IT UP! The day of the Chosen One and his First Lady-elect has arrived! Deliverance is at hand!


ettarose said...

What does all this mean? Are we letting other countries tell us what we need to do, or should I have just not said anything and kept the proof of my ignorance to myself? :)))

Speedcat Hollydale said...

I am scared, and frightened by the possibility that this was a premonition!

Petra said...

I was almost swept away by your subtle sarcasm and innocently coy jabs. Impressed even. But then you had to go an ruin it by defining the xmas story reference.

My gawd man, how many times do I have to tell you???? If they DON'T GET IT they DON'T DESERVE TO GET IT!!!

Relax Max said...

ettarose, no meaning. You know me. Just drop some LSD and start typing. Not to worry. Enjoy your freedom. Go somewhere and get down. :)

speedy, thank you for stopping by. No, we are all pretty much just fucked either way. it's the American way. Get all you can, buddy. Screw the rest of 'em. Thanks again.

Petra, was it really? Subtle? Me? Coy? No shit? I have changed the post so now nobody in the world will get it except me an' you kid. Where's your avatar? I see you've kept your eye out for me... :)