Sadly, Alzheimers has begun to take its toll

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., steps off his campaign bus to board his campaign charter, Friday, June 20,2008, at the airport in Minneapolis. McCain was traveling to Canada to give a speech to the Economic Club of Toronto.

McCain seemed genuinely baffled when asked by this reporter why he was going to Toronto, since Canadians can't vote for the U.S. President.

McCain listened intently as his aide whispered in his ear, then replied, "We all have high hopes that this voting injustice will be rectified before November."

As he boarded the small jet, McCain could be seen in heated discussion with the aide, finally pushing him roughly to the tarmac. He then began kicking at the prone man, but other members of McCain's entourage quickly restrained the senator before any of the kicks found their mark.

We had a nice shot of the senator kicking at the fallen aide, but our camera was taken from us during Relax Max's usual obscene tirade at Secret Service agents. As a result, the above pictures really don't have shit to do with this story, but we needed some filler.

(Left, President Bush hard a work with the cares of the Presidency. Right, Hillary Clinton happily concedes to Obama.)

Hanoi Hilton flashbacks

If president, this man would have the power to order a nuclear attack. How likely is he to love his enemies? Just how stable is this putz of the desert?

But, on the other hand, if Barrack Obama were president, he wouldn't fight back not matter WHAT THE HECK happened. The U.S. could be completely in flames from terrorist attacks, and Barry would want to hold a dialog with them.

HOLY COW!!!

Are these REALLY our choices?

Hold on to your ass America! The upcoming ride is going to be very painful!

!!!WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!!!

THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE!!!

This November, write in the name of RELAX MAX for president!

He's young enough.

He's white enough.

He's arrogant enough.

He's DEFINITELY dumb enough.

Be like Relax Max and just DO it!!!

"I may screw you, but I won't KILL you!!!"

—I'm Relax Max, and I approved this message.

"The world has many problems. Pussy is always the answer." —Relax Max

Hillary wins Max's pussyeating contest tongue-down: licks other two handily

The results of the scientific Way Hash poll are in: It's Hillary by a tongue slide, sucking in a whopping 69% of the votes! Hillary licked both of her opponents handily: Condi Rice polled in at a respectable 21% and Michelle Obama dragging ass at a paltry 10%.

In all fairness, Condi Rice only discovered her sexuality 2 days before the end of the contest, so she has astronomical "per capita" points. But Hillary, the only contestant who actually campaigned for the title, was far and away the most steady and reliable cunnilingus artist over the long haul. In fact, her lifetime achievement numbers even surpassed her husbands. So it is official: Hillary has eaten more pussy in her life than Bill. But you always suspected that was true, right?

Hillary refused an official request for an interview from Relax Max, but did speak to him a little bit off the record.

Max: Do you actually enjoy mouth-fucking girls? Or is a political thing?

Hillary: Hell yes I enjoy it! I fuckin' LOVE pussy! YUM, baby!

Max: Would you mind showing me your technique?

Hillary: Sure. [She sticks out her tongue slowly. Amazingly it goes clear down to the bottom of her chin. Then she began a "trilling" exercise that made her tongue vibrate in a blur.]

Max: That's fucking erotic, ma'am.

Hillary: Yeah. Well, tough. Ain't none for you asshole. I ain't into dicks no more.

So we've heard.

Condi refused our request for an interview outright, or even to discuss technique over the phone. And Michelle's spokeswoman actually told us to go fuck our dirty-minded honky selves.

Hillary demanded beer, and flipped Max off just as he was taking her picture for this article, but at least we have a picture. Nothing from Michelle and Condi.

"So you really like that big Jew cock, huh baby?"

"So there was these two fags fuckin' an alligator down by the river, see..."

There was once a comedian by the name of Buddy Hackett. Dead now, of course. I don't remember Buddy myself, not in person anyway. But I saw a tape recently of an old Vegas show he did on HBO once, a zillion or so years ago, and I was literally rolling on the floor.

The only thing I knew about Buddy previous to that was that he had starred in some old Beach Blanket movies with Frankie Avalon and Annette that I had seen the reruns of. And Buddy seemed very tame. Pretty pathetic, in fact.

But his Vegas act was a killer. Christ!

That guy could tell more dirty jokes from memory, than I thought possible, one right after the other. They came at you so fast you didn't have time to recover through the entire show.

A lot were personal recollections of fuckings he had been involved with in his life. Hilarious. He could describe it so that you thought you were right there fucking right along with him.

Buddy said he was in the Army, stationed in England one time. And he was fucking this whore in an alley behind a pub, standing up against a dumpster, and he said her head kept bobbing up and down as he was fucking her, and he thought she was really getting into it, and Buddy was feeling all proud and shit, and so he started in fuck-talking her:

"So you really like that big Jew cock, huh, baby?"

"Yeah, luv. Nice cock you have alright."

"Makes your fuckin' head go crazy, huh?

"errrmm. No, luv. Just a bit o' me scarf tucked in is all..."

Buddy was crazy. Had the Vegas crowd on their knees on the carpet, holding their guts. Just the way he told the stories, not so much how funny they were.

His mind was weird, warped. "The highballs are on me", he screamed, as he told a story about a giraffe fucking an elephant. But it was the way Buddy would goose-step like a cornholed drum-major across the stage that sold the joke to the audience. Buddy walking like a giraffe.

Fuck. Fuck me, he was funny.

Prince Philip to attempt world jump record

[Wayharsh Exclusive]

Buckingham Palace spokesman Bernie Fartwell announced at a press conference today that the 87 year old Duke of Edinburgh will, on Thursday next, attempt to break the outdoor motorcycle bus-jumping record currently held by the late Evel Knievel.

There was no other elaboration from the palace except to imply that this was a life-long ambition of Prince Philip, and one of the things on his "life list" of things he wants to do before he dies. He has reportedly already checked off "riding in a horse-drawn carriage with the queen of England" and "owning the most military uniforms and medals for a guy who was only a lieutenant".