Saturday, August 16, 2008

McCain: "Who knew there was an internet?"

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) tries to hide his face in shame as he is informed of the existance of the internet, and that he could have been using it all along to get his message out to the people.

As the senator logged on to the internet for the first time, the room was filled with reporters, anxious to record the historic moment. With the help of his wife Cindy, McCain soon opened a browser and watched as she typed in an address. He seemed genuinely taken aback as images began to appear on the screen as if by magic.

The senator was a fast learner, however, and before long he had visited, and had even posted a question on Yahoo! dot com: "Can someone finally explain to me the difference between Sunnis and Shites?"

McCain then told the reporters that Americans should not be concerned that he was not in tune with mainstream America, and that he wanted to reasure them he was up-to-date on the latest technology, in spite of simply never having heard of the internet.

"That aside, I am really a very hip cat", the Senator said, pausing to cough up what appeared to be a large piece of boiled cabbage, "for example, tomorrow morning I intend to do my morning walk wearing my brand new Walkman Radio."

Reporters merely looked at each other nervously. There were no questions. Cindy had disappeared.


This just in: Obama now leads McCain in frequent flyer miles; next trip to Iraq will be free, aides say.


ettarose said...

I heard he won't get rid of his 8 track collection either. He just doesn't trust those new fangled tape players.

Relax Max said...

I heard he was just now startig with 8 tracks. Ditching the vinyl. :)

But I do like Botox Cindy better than sourpuss Michelle...

Richard Catto said...

This blog has really gone to the dogs.

What are you going to do about the sad sorry that it is in?

Relax Max said...

richard, what am I going to do about the sorry state of this blog? My first knee-jerk reaction was to say, "Block you from commenting, pigfucker!" But of course I couldn't say that. Then I wouldn't have any comments at all, would I? Sigh.

I think I will just close this piece of trash down and go start smoking heavily.

It's all yours. I'm outta here.

Richard Catto said...

Well things are looking up already.

Petra said...

you know, I can take vivid pics of innards all day long but when you start showing pics of regurgitated cabbage I start to gag.

You of all people should know that old guys deserve their chance in the limelight. Back off you - get ready for this one - democrat!!!!!

Richard Catto said...

That's not actually cabbage. It's disgusting nasty phlegm.

That's why I complained about this blog going to the dogs and Max started hopping from one foot to the other.


Relax Max said...

Leave it to Richard to be an authority on things coughed up. What a hobby. Are you sure it isn't cabbage? - did you give it the smell test or what? Of COURSE I stole it from google. I didn't have any stock phlegm pics in my collection. Didn't think of asking you. What is scary is that you checked google for shit pictures before you made this comment. Holy fucking christ!

Actually, the blog is starting to look up. But I will note your constructive criticism and not post any more needlessly offensive pics. I suppose you didn't like my chundering pic either. That one was so bad I got a request to remove it because it was triggering the reader's gag reflex.

I am nothing if not vivid.

(Richard, I can sense your hackles rising across the miles. Please understand that this is what bloggers call "good natured banter" and is not meant to be personal. I don't want to lose 50% of my readership in one fell swoop. K?)

Relax Max said...

Petra, to accuse me of caring about politics one way or the other, GOP or Dem, is downright disrespectful. Especially since you know full well how I hate all those political pricks and prickettes of all party persuasions. That was truly a low blow.

And, speaking of low blows, that is probably the REAL source of your gagging, not the picture of phlegm.

I kid. You know I kid. Christ, there goes the other half of my readership. Why do I do this. Why can't I just say, "I agree with you. Thank you for your comment."?

Richard Catto said...

Actually all I did was read the alt text associated with the phlegm pic you posted.

You're making a lot of noise about this, mAx.

Are you sure you don't need a smoke or something to calm your nerves? Maybe a valium?

ettarose said...

my my, you boys fight better than us girls. not a cat fight exactly, what would it be? A couple of boys playing war?

Richard Catto said...

It's him, MOOOM!

He started it! He's always picking on me. *fake tears*

Relax Max said...

Not to worry Ettarose. Richard and I have a truce. I will be nice to him and he will kiss my ass. Or something like that. :)