Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Hillary wins Max's pussyeating contest tongue-down: licks other two handily

The results of the scientific Way Hash poll are in: It's Hillary by a tongue slide, sucking in a whopping 69% of the votes! Hillary licked both of her opponents handily: Condi Rice polled in at a respectable 21% and Michelle Obama dragging ass at a paltry 10%.

In all fairness, Condi Rice only discovered her sexuality 2 days before the end of the contest, so she has astronomical "per capita" points. But Hillary, the only contestant who actually campaigned for the title, was far and away the most steady and reliable cunnilingus artist over the long haul. In fact, her lifetime achievement numbers even surpassed her husbands. So it is official: Hillary has eaten more pussy in her life than Bill. But you always suspected that was true, right?

Hillary refused an official request for an interview from Relax Max, but did speak to him a little bit off the record.

Max: Do you actually enjoy mouth-fucking girls? Or is a political thing?

Hillary: Hell yes I enjoy it! I fuckin' LOVE pussy! YUM, baby!

Max: Would you mind showing me your technique?

Hillary: Sure. [She sticks out her tongue slowly. Amazingly it goes clear down to the bottom of her chin. Then she began a "trilling" exercise that made her tongue vibrate in a blur.]

Max: That's fucking erotic, ma'am.

Hillary: Yeah. Well, tough. Ain't none for you asshole. I ain't into dicks no more.

So we've heard.

Condi refused our request for an interview outright, or even to discuss technique over the phone. And Michelle's spokeswoman actually told us to go fuck our dirty-minded honky selves.

Hillary demanded beer, and flipped Max off just as he was taking her picture for this article, but at least we have a picture. Nothing from Michelle and Condi.


Deb said...

Fucking hilarious. ...or is it a polical statement...

Relax Max said...

Thank you deb. May I call you Deb instead?

We hate politicians here. You must understand that if you expect to "get" our humor. Politicians are cocksuckers, Deb. None of them, from any political party, are ever going to do anything for you and me except steal our money and fuck us up the ass.

Now that you understand our basic philosophy, given the two choices you gave, I choose "Fucking hilarious."

Thanks for stopping by.

(Ummm...did you really not know that Hillary was a carpet-munching dyke? We thought everyone did.)