Thursday, July 10, 2008

New Series: Henry The Traveling Condom


One of my biggest blogging idols is Olga The Traveling Bra. I truly revere Olga. In my mind, she is probably second only to Angelika. The latter goes without saying, of course: no one is really in Angelika's blogging class. So, in the regular NON-Angelika class of blogs, Olga is at the top of the list of my idols.

I fully realize that some of you are already trying to see a pattern here between Angelika and Olga (both are black) but there really is no connection. They are both simply brilliant bloggers with a fantastic and well-deserved following. That, and the fact that I like to mention their names on this blog frequently, for search-engine purposes. You understand.

I hasten to add that neither of these talented bloggers knows that Relax Max is in awe of them, or that they are both his idols, because l have always been too intimidated by their greatness to comment on their blogs. Also, I am not smart enough, usually, to understand their posts, so that is also a stumbling block to commenting.

Because Olga has no clue of my admiration for her (or no clue that I even exist, for that matter) it is not likly she will discover what I am doing here before it is too late. She almost surely doesn't know this blog exists. And, of course, it goes without saying that we will never see a blogger of the stature of the lovely Angelika mucking around down here in the dregs of the blogosphere.

What I started out to say here, before I slid into that incredibly embarrassing ass-kissing session outlined above, was that Olga has inspired a sort of parallel blogging character that I intend to (temporarily) bring to life in homage to Olga. I will call this character "Henry The Traveling Condom."

I envision Henry "traveling" (being mailed) to various people all over the world, and being befriended by these recipients. Henry's mission in life will be to promote camaraderie between peoples of all nations, as well as to encourage frequent, comradely, sex.

The qualifications for hosting Henry haven't been completely worked out yet, but the idea is the same (almost the same) as Olga: we will expect Henry to be flaunted in various public locations and to have plenty of pictures taken.

Of course the MAIN idea of this is - and you could expect no less from Relax Max - is to have each recipient wear Henry while they engage in sex in various parts of the world. No photos are to be taken of the actual qualifying event! Your signature on the provided affidavit will be more than satisfactory.

Then you will mail Henry back to Relax Max in the envelope provided. Wash him first.

It is as simple as that. We do, of course expect you to take photos before the actual qualifying event, of Henry being "posed" on various public objects, such as statues and landmarks. Pictures of Henry on your finger or rolled onto bicycle handlebars would probably also be amusing. Be extra careful with sharp objects!

We have already lined up our first two participants: one in Texas, and one in Belgium.

Please check back here periodically for photos and updates. Please don't wait too long to check back as there is some concern as to how long Henry will actually hold up. Thank you.

The point? Man, I dunno. Does there have to be a point? What's the point of Olga? It's fun, that's all. Fuck your point.

Official U.S. FDA Disclaimer: "Putting a used condom on your dick, which has recently been used by a stranger, and which probably has holes in it, and which may or may not have even been washed out, is NOT conducive to safe sex."

16 comments:

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Gosh, I'm so honored. I think? First I inspired Frank the Sedentary Jock Strap to get up off his lazy ass...then Willy, the Traveling Non-Sex Toy....Dot, the Traveling Dog Panties...& now Henry, the Traveling Condom! Boggles the mind, doesn't it? Good luck to you Henry - travel safely & may your mission be a HUGE success!

Claire said...

HAHA! But you didn't mention Willy or Evil Willy :(

Caroline said...

Claire I was thinking that too...

Funny though. I like it.

Sheila said...

Please understand, this has NOTHING to do with me :)

Drowsey Monkey said...

Well, as a follower of Olga's travels, I find this fascinating. Simply fascinating. I know I'll tune back in to see some of those stand-up photos ;)

Perhaps, unlike a bra, a condom isn't to be shared ... maybe you need to clone a few.

Seriously, I'll be back for the photos.

Angelika said...

*blushing* Thanks for the mention! If I had need for Henry, which I unfortunately DO NOT at the current time, I would flaunt him at all over the local landmarks in Chattanooga, TN. Maybe even Huntsville, AL too! ;-)

Relax Max said...

Olga, thank you for being such a good sport and letting me parody your success story. I don't think he will last quite as long as Olga has, but we shall see. I suppose it all will depend on how hard his adventures are... :)

Claire, they just didn't fit in. :)

Caroline? You were thinking about the Willy clones too? An unusual coincidence, wouldn't you say? Oddly stimulating, though... :)

Sheila, but you WILL have a great deal to do with it. The success of this experiment will depend upon your efficiency, in fact. :)

drowsey monkey - thank you for stopping by today. Sadly, the rules are not going to allow any stand up photos. Sorry. And so true about the safe sex observation. ::whispers:: [this is only a parody, miss drowsy. I promise there will be no actual endless sharing of a used condom. I need to make that clear. Thank your for mentioning it.] I hope you come back and see if I am lying. Or for any other reason. Just come back. Please. Ok? Thanks. :)

Angelika? Really???? My blogging idol???????????? What the fuck are YOU doing down here mucking around in the dregs of the blogosphere? After I told everyone you had too much class for this kind of thing? Well, kick me in the nuts, if that don't beat all. [Thank you, Angelika. You are the greatest! Mwaa!!]

Chica said...

Henry? You couldn't have went with Hardy? :p

I've seen that graphic around before, in fact an old blogbud of mine used it, he named it Patrick I do believe.

Anyhoo, the idea is wonderful, but I don't see that many people actually giving out there real home addresses that much.

Too bad he wasn't emailed and then used that way. I could have a ton of photoshop fun with him!

Angelika said...

Look for your High Five from me HERE.

Petra said...

well all I can say is, this is a BRILLIANT idea! And I think Willy DOES fit, unless of course, Henry is just HUGE and Willy is a midget. Or visa versa. Either way, I definitely want to see pics. Not partake in them mind you, due to the whole blackmail thing, but see them??? Ohhhh yehhhhhhh

And I think Henry's first stop SHOULD be to Claire's Willy's - both the evil and mundane.....

Claire said...

Henry may of already paid a visit :)

Leon said...

Um...eww. Interesting idea though.

Qelqoth said...

Epic Bra ≠ Epic Boobs as Epic Bra != Epic Frunz. However, where Epic Boobs = Epic Bra, Epic Boobs ∝ Epic Win and thus, Moar Lulz.

I need to adapt and master this formula...

...

...moar wings, plz.

Dark Angel said...

So who's the lucky first owner :-)

BecauseIcan said...

I am at a loss for words...

truly..

Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!

Cheers
Christian, iwspo.net