Way Harsh

Unemployment is Obama's top priority

2011-02-02T15:52:00.006-07:00

1. Many of our soldiers were killed or wounded by roadside bombs.

2. Iran supplies electrical parts for roadside bombs.

3. General Electric supplied parts to Iran for a long time, long after Iran was on our list of bad guys. General Electric claims they no longer deal with Iran.

4. Our congress decided incandescent light bulbs made in Cleveland are bad. Fluorescent replacement bulbs made in Red China are good.

5. California doesn't allow incandescent bulbs anymore. This is not an intrusion on personal liberties, only good for our environment.

6. General Electric, since 2001, has gotten rid of 24,000 American workers.

7. General Electric now has 14,000 workers in Communist Red China.

8. President Obama recently appointed General Electric CEO Jeff Immelt as his chief economic advisor. You get to pay his salary.

Around and around we go.

On the bright side, I see in the news where this guy is going to work with the ailing Detroit automakers.

I didn't know Detroit still made cars. I thought only Toyota made cars in America.

Paper guarantees

2011-01-19T11:16:00.001-07:00

In recent internet surfing, I came across this well-meaning statement on the website of a midwestern university:

"Human rights are rights that all humans have, just by virtue of being human. Human rights documents guarantee us the right to live, freely and securely, without discrimination, and with the social and material goods required for a dignified human life. Human rights violations threaten and diminish us all."

I wish that statement were true. I really do.

But the truth is, no "document" - no piece of paper - guarantees us anything. All you can do with paper is write things down.

No, the "Declaration of Human Rights" of the U.N. does NOT guarantee any rights.

No, the Constitution of the United States of America does not guarantee any rights.

I hope this university ALSO teaches its students that, in reality, it is soldiers with guns that guarantee their human rights.

It is fine to write down on a paper that food and housing are basic human rights. But until there is enough food and adequate housing in the world, everyone is not going to get fed and housed. The most anyone can say is that all human beings "deserve" to have certain things.

True rights come only when one is strong enough to obtain those things and then protect them. In short, your "rights" exist at the pleasure of whomever has the power. Usually that is your government. Therefore, make sure you have your government doing what you want it to do.

Please don't misunderstand me. I DO believe in natural rights that all humans are born with. I am only saying that rights are meaningless if they are not capable of being enforced. Simply being agreed to and written down officially on a piece of paper doesn't make it so.

Personal freedom

2011-01-17T10:43:00.001-07:00

Governments don’t give out rights. Governments “can’t” extend rights to their citizens, because, as human beings, we are already born with our basic rights, “endowed by our creator” as Thomas Jefferson said. I’m speaking of “natural rights” - the right to own one’s life and do with that life whatever you will, as long as you don’t infringe on that same right that other people also have.

Governments can “secure” our rights by defending us against outside invaders and protecting us from people who would violate our rights. Or... governments can abridge our rights, infringe upon our rights, take away our rights. Most often, this lessening of individual freedom comes under the guise of “acting in the interest of the greater good.” The same old “Give up this one little thing, and we will make you more secure.” You understand.

In your sadness and outrage over the recent Arizona shootings, please don’t be tempted to acquiesce to giving up your right to own a gun because of the thought that giving up our guns would maybe stop such shootings. You would be giving up so much more than just your gun. It is not so important that you own a gun as it is that you have the right to own a gun.

Blaming the blameless

2011-01-15T18:17:00.004-07:00

President Reagan said, “We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.” Acts of monstrous criminality stand on their own. They begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively with all the citizens of a state, not with those who listen to talk radio, not with maps of swing districts used by both sides of the aisle, not with law-abiding citizens who respectfully exercise their First Amendment rights at campaign rallies, not with those who proudly voted in the last election.

—Sarah Palin

American traitor "very annoyed" at solitary confinement

2010-12-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

Ex-U.S. Army Private Bradley Manning is just about fed up with the way he is being treated in jail. The living conditions are so harsh they amount to torture, say the supporters of the modern day Benedict Arnold.

Just what does this torture consist of? Well, for one thing, they won't give him a pillow. And no sheets, either. And they won't let him go outside. What else? Nothing, isn't that bad enough to be considered torture in this day and age? After all, he only gave up thousands of classified documents that hurt his country and probably cost some lives. (He's the one who gave the secrets to the Swedish rapist to broadcast on the internet.)

Since the Army is turning a deaf ear to his terrible living conditions, shithead's supporters are going public in hopes YOU will put pressure on the Army to give this asshole a pillow.

Seems to me the least of his worries.

There is a fund set up if you want to contribute to his defense. Wikileaks hasn't. They've used him and threw him under the bus.

Send any money to Relax Max, care of Way Harsh blog. We'll be sure he gets it.

Tax increase for the job-creators

2010-12-02T20:43:00.006-07:00

I saw on the TV news today that the lame-duck-loaded congress is going to vote on continuing the Bush tax cuts for the low and middle income citizens, but not for the job-creators. That doesn't make sense. (I have stopped calling it "tax cuts for the wealthy" and started calling it "tax cuts for the job-creators.")

Ms Pelosi was saying that these people don't really create the jobs and never did. Said that when the tax cuts were passed, it didn't help and no jobs at all were created under that Bush plan.

Well, who the heck creates the non-government jobs in this country then? The poor? The middle class?

Is it really a good idea to take more money away from the job creators so they won't have money to hire more people? So they have to lay off some workers in order to pay their higher taxes? Seems like Obama would want to try and keep the unemployment figure under 10%. He and Pelosi are confusing me.

Seems a waste to do this vote since the Republicans will only reverse it in January anyway.

How we keep our rights

2010-11-19T07:18:00.002-07:00

It Is The Soldier

It is the soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the soldier
Who salutes the flag
Who serves under the flag
Whose coffin is draped in the flag
Who allows the protester to burn the flag

-Charles M. Province

Happy Birthday

2010-11-09T19:42:00.002-07:00

Thank You!

Marines are 235 years old today, November 10. Don't forget Veterans Day is Tomorrow.

Mugs

2010-10-26T22:28:00.006-06:00

WHO IS BILL AYERS? (For those of you whose memories started after the 1970s)

1. Bill Ayers is a distinguished professor of education at the University of Illinois - Chicago.

2. Bill Ayers was a member of the radical Weather Underground which claimed responsibility for terrorist bombings in the U.S. between 1970 and 1974. One of the Pentagon.

3. They ran. They hid. They made the FBI's most wanted list.

4. The FBI infiltrated the organization and the ringleaders were captured and brought to trial. Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn were standing trial when...

4. The case was dismissed in progress for "prosecutorial misconduct." Bill Ayers, his now-wife Bernadine Dohrn, and others escaped life imprisonment.

---------

Today, Bernadine Dohrn is an associate professor of law at Northwestern University. She and her husband Bill Ayers live in Chicago.

Notable quotes:

Bernadine Dohrn, congratulating Charles Manson after the Tate/LaBianca murders...

"Dig it! First they killed those pigs and then they put a fork in pig Tate's belly (sic). Wild!"

"Offing those rich pigs with their own forks and knives, and then eating a meal in the same room, far out! The Weathermen dig Charles Manson!"

Here's a picture of professor Bill Ayers standing on the American flag.

In an interview with the NY Times, published a few days after 9/11, this wonderful being said: "I don't regret setting bombs." And, "I feel we didn't do enough."

WHY YOU SHOULD CARE:

In the mid 1990s, a Chicago advocate for the poor, a "community organizer" by the name of Barrack Obama decided to launch a political career at the state level. That campaign was launched with a fund-raiser in the home of Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn. Both Obama and Ayers were board members on a Chicago anti-poverty organization together for three years. Obama and Ayers lived within a few blocks of each other. They appeared together. Ayers donated to Obama's state senatorial campaign. ($200.)

Obama knew Bill Ayers, and it was not a passing relationship. Obama KNOWS Bill Ayers.

Obama says he shouldn't be held to account or associated with something that happened when he was 8 years old, that Bill Ayers has never been convicted of the bombings.

A police officer was killed in one of those bombings, in San Francisco. People were injured in campus bombings by the Weathermen.

The far left Liberal establishment cries foul: a person should not be "guilty by association" because it just isn't fair.

I beg to differ. Maybe your parents chose what people you could have as friends and who they wanted you to stay away from. There was a reason. I believe a man's character determines how he will act in a crisis, and what his core values are. I believe who he chooses to hang out with DOES reflect on his ability to be our President.

Obama didn't set off any bombs or kill anyone. Obama is not a terrorist. But he doesn't think he's doing anything morally wrong by hanging around with these people and hiring a bunch of tax cheats for his Cabinet. That bothers me.

Not just so they can hunt squirrels...

2010-10-24T14:56:00.003-06:00

Every government who wants to impose its will on the citizenry knows that they must first disarm that citizenry.

Most Americans remember that Paul Revere made a midnight ride to warn the Minutemen that "the British are coming!" But how many of you remember WHY the British were coming? What were the British after that cool Massachusetts April night so long ago? What was at Concord that was so important to the British?

The battle of Concord and Lexington marked the official start of the American Revolution, the first open armed conflict between Great Britain and the American colonies. The "shot heard 'round the world" was fired at Lexington. The Minutemen were forced back and back to Concord where they were joined by their Concord brethren. There, the "embattled farmers" made their stand and, when the smoke cleared, repelled three companies of British regulars. The Americans harassed the retreating British from the woods all the way back to Lexington, in the early morning frost. The British returned to Boston.

But why?

The Americans had stockpiled weapons and ammunition at Concord, that's why. By definition, there was a militia at Lexington and at Concord.

One cannot be a tyrant, in the end, if the population is armed. Conversely, there is no reason for a government to want to disarm its citizens unless it has domination, subjugation and tyranny as it's object.

The founding fathers included the second amendment in our constitution because they had learned the lesson that Concord and Lexington had taught: The greatest threat to liberty is often the government itself.

A government with honorable intentions need not fear an armed populace.

Just Max's opinion.

Progressive Senate Hero

2010-10-20T16:16:00.005-06:00

Well, I guess they've given up on the house. Even George Soros isn't THAT stupid.

I hope you will CLICK HERE and make a generous donation.

Go ahead. Click there. I dare you. Check it out. Don't be afraid! Click there. C'mon!

(Giannoulias? Well, the Greeks sure know how to handle an economy.)

Speed bump

2010-10-19T03:21:00.001-06:00

America's Band

2010-10-18T13:56:00.001-06:00

In case you thought there was only one verse...

2010-10-17T15:47:00.002-06:00

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
—Francis Scott Key

Liberty is a state of mind

2010-10-16T18:58:00.003-06:00

"Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women. When it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it."

Justice Learned Hand

Indian country

2010-10-15T22:31:00.004-06:00

I live in New Mexico, close to the Arizona state line.

I read in the local paper where this guy came in at midnight and robbed the 7-11 store with a gun. And while he was looting the store, the clerk called the cops. Well, the cop must have been just down the block because the cop pulls in the driveway just as the robber is running out of the store.

Gunfight ensues. The cop takes a few non-lethal rounds and goes down. The robber gets one in the leg and is hopping around with an empty gun. There are two Navajo boys in the parking lot trying to get their car started. They go over to the wounded bandit and beat him to the ground and leave him for dead and go back to working on their car.

Soon the parking lot is filled with cop cars and flashing lights, tending to their downed brother and one walks over to the Indian boys to thank them and asks them if they need any help. They ask the cop if he has a flashlight, that would be helpful.

You can't make this stuff up.

Gun Control

2010-10-14T22:03:00.004-06:00

Well, I guess I'll come back over here and blog for awhile - seeing as how the government is starting to piss me off again. Where shall we resume? How about this:

"I have over the past thirty years been one hundred percent in favor of Gun Control - achieved through proper stance, controlled breathing, and smooth trigger squeeze; applied repeatedly until the threat is neutralized."

—Fred D. Haggard

Thinking for yourself

2009-07-06T13:22:00.000-06:00

To me, the purpose of critical thinking is to arrive at the truth, so that one can discern one's true options and therefore be able to make better decisions and draw clearer conclusions.

An example of UNcritical thinking is the taking of things one reads at face value with no further investigation or verification.

If I say, "Karl Rove said Sarah Palin is an idiot," does that mean Karl Rove said Sarah Palin is an idiot? No, the only truth you can take from such a thing is that, "Relax Max SAID Karl Rove said Sara Palin is an idiot.

And if you are reading what I purportedly said instead of listening to me speak, perhaps not even that...

It has been real. Surreal, in fact

2009-01-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

Max is taking a hiatus from blogging. Blogs will no longer be updated. You people have been outlandishly amazing.

Max has some projects that need to be finished up.

A hiatus is not forever. I will return and track you all down and force-feed you sick humor again one day.

Go East young man

2009-01-12T14:38:00.004-07:00

More people left California than any other state last year, according to an AP news article today.

People are getting fed up with the cost of living, crime, gangs, many failing schools, clogged freeways, cost of housing, high taxes, and on and on and on.

There was only a net loss of 144,000 so nobody is going to notice the ones who bailed out and moved to other states. A few days of illegal immigration will more than cover any losses. But still, this might be a peek into the future.

The Golden State with about 38 million people has the world's eighth-largest economy (fifth if you count the European Union as a whole instead of counting individual countries.) But unemployment is now 8.4%, 100,000 jobs gone last year. There were about 236,000 home foreclosures and an erosion in home values of about a trillion dollars in 2008. These are not numbers we should sneeze at.

California can't wait for January 20, when all this bad news will be magically reversed.

Me? I say give Obama the whole week that he asked for.

Day one: give the order to get out of Iraq.

Week one: give the order to close Guantanamo.

That leaves plenty of time to make California a paradise on earth. Or at least to give the order.

Here is a post that will win me no friends. That's okay.

2009-01-06T01:50:00.006-07:00

Did you know Beethoven was born with syphilis? He could never marry, and eventually lost his hearing. In my country today, he would have certainly been aborted.

Pretend the following list doesn't exist.

Symphonies
• Opus 21: Symphony No. 1 in C major (composed 1799-1800, premièred 1800)
• Opus 36: Symphony No. 2 in D major (composed 1801-02, premièred 1803)
• Opus 55: Symphony No. 3 in E-flat major ("Eroica") (composed 1803, premièred 1804)
• Opus 60: Symphony No. 4 in B-flat major (composed 1806, premièred 1807)
• Opus 67: Symphony No. 5 in C minor (composed 1805-08, premièred 1808)
• Opus 68: Symphony No. 6 in F major ("Pastoral") (composed 1805-08, premièred 1808)
• Opus 92: Symphony No. 7 in A major (composed 1811-12, premièred 1813)
• Opus 93: Symphony No. 8 in F major (composed 1811-12, premièred 1814)
• Opus 125: Symphony No. 9 in D minor ("Choral") (composed 1817-24, premièred 1824)

Concerti
• WoO 4: Piano Concerto No. 0 in E-flat major (1784)
• Opus 15: Piano Concerto No. 1 in C major (1795)
• Opus 19: Piano Concerto No. 2 in B-flat major (Before 1793)
• Opus 37: Piano Concerto No. 3 in C minor (1803)
• Opus 56: Triple Concerto for violin, cello, and piano in C major (1805)
• Opus 58: Piano Concerto No. 4 in G major (1807)
• Opus 61: Violin Concerto in D major (1806)
• Opus 61a: Beethoven's arrangement of Opus 61 for piano, sometimes called Piano Concerto No. 6
• Opus 73: Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-flat major ("Emperor") (1809)

Other works for soloist and orchestra
• WoO 6: Rondo for Piano and Orchestra in B flat major (1793)
• Opus 40: Romance for Violin and Orchestra No. 1 in G major (1802)
• Opus 50: Romance for Violin and Orchestra No. 2 in F major (1798)
• Opus 80: "Choral Fantasy" (Fantasia in C minor for piano, chorus, and orchestra) (1808)

Overtures and occasional music
• Opus 43: The Creatures of Prometheus, overture and ballet music (1801)
• Opus 62: Coriolan Overture (1807)
• Overtures composed for Beethoven's opera Fidelio:
• Opus 72: Fidelio Overture (1814)
• Opus 72a: Leonore Overture "No. 2" (1805)
• Opus 72b: Leonore Overture "No. 3" (1806)
• Opus 138: Leonore Overture "No. 1" (1807)
• Opus 84: Egmont, overture and incidental Music (1810)
• Opus 91: Wellington's Victory ("Battle Symphony") (1813)
• Opus 113: Die Ruinen von Athen (The ruins of Athens), overture and incidental music (1811)
• Opus 117: König Stephan (King Stephen), overture and incidental music (1811)
• Opus 115: Zur Namensfeier Overture (Feastday) (1815)
• Opus 124: Die Weihe des Hauses Overture (Consecration of the House) (1822)

Chamber music
String quartets
Early
• Opus 18: Six String Quartets
• No. 1: String Quartet No. 1 in F major (1799)
• No. 2: String Quartet No. 2 in G major (1800)
• No. 3: String Quartet No. 3 in D major (1798)
• No. 4: String Quartet No. 4 in C minor (1801)
• No. 5: String Quartet No. 5 in A major (1801)
• No. 6: String Quartet No. 6 in B-flat major (1801)
Middle
• Opus 59: Three String Quartets ("Rasumovsky") (1806)
• No. 1: String Quartet No. 7 in F major
• No. 2: String Quartet No. 8 in E minor
• No. 3: String Quartet No. 9 in C major
• Opus 74: String Quartet No. 10 in E-flat major ("Harp") (1809)
• Opus 95: String Quartet No. 11 in F minor ("Serioso") (1810)
Late
• Opus 127: String Quartet No. 12 in E-flat major (1823-1825)
• Opus 132: String Quartet No. 15 in A minor (1824-1825)
• Opus 130: String Quartet No. 13 in B-flat major (1825)
• Opus 133: Große Fuge in B-flat major – originally finale of Opus 130 (1825)
• Opus 134: Beethoven's arrangement of the Große Fuge, Opus 133, for piano duet (four-hands) (1826)
• Opus 131: String Quartet No. 14 in C-sharp minor (1826)
• Opus 135: String Quartet No. 16 in F major (1826)
String quintets
• Opus 4: String Quintet in E flat major (1795)
• Opus 29: String Quintet in C major (1801)
• Opus 104: String Quintet in C minor (1817)
• Opus 137: Fugue for String Quintet in D major (1817)
Trios
Piano trios
• Opus 1: Three Piano Trios (1795)
• Piano Trio No. 1 in E-flat major
• Piano Trio No. 2 in G major
• Piano Trio No. 3 in C minor
• Opus 11: Piano Trio No. 4 in B-flat major ("Gassenhauer") (1797) (version with violin)
• Opus 70: Two Piano Trios (1808)
• Piano Trio No. 5 in D major, "Ghost"
• Piano Trio No. 6 in E-flat major
• Opus 97: Piano Trio No.7 in B-flat Major ("Archduke") (1811)
String trios
• Opus 3: String Trio No. 1 in E-flat major (1794)
• Opus 8: String Trio No. 2 ("Serenade") in D major (1797)
• Opus 9: Three String Trios (1798)
• String Trio No. 3 in G major
• String Trio No. 4 in D major
• String Trio No. 5 in C minor
Chamber music with winds
• Opus 11: Clarinet Trio in B-flat major, "Gassenhauer" (1797)
• Opus 16: Quintet for piano and winds in E-flat major (1796)
• Opus 20: Septet for clarinet, horn, bassoon, violin, viola, cello and contrabass in E-flat major (1799)
• Opus 38: Clarinet Trio in E-flat major (1803)
• Opus 71: Sextet for clarinets, horns, and bassoons in E-flat major (1796)
• Opus 87: Trio for two oboes and English horn in C major (1795)
• Opus 103: Octet for oboes, clarinets, horns, and bassoons in E-flat major (1792)
• Opus 105: Six sets of variations for piano and flute (1819)
• Opus 107: Ten sets of variations for piano and flute (1820)
Sonatas for solo instrument and piano
Violin sonatas
• Opus 12: Three Violin Sonatas (1798)
• No. 1: Violin Sonata No. 1 in D major
• No. 2: Violin Sonata No. 2 in A major
• No. 3: Violin Sonata No. 3 in E-flat major
• Opus 23: Violin Sonata No. 4 in A minor (1801)
• Opus 24: Violin Sonata No. 5 in F major ("Spring") (1801)
• Opus 30: Three Violin Sonatas (1803)
• No. 1: Violin Sonata No. 6 in A major
• No. 2: Violin Sonata No. 7 in C minor
• No. 3: Violin Sonata No. 8 in G major
• Opus 47: Violin Sonata No. 9 in A major ("Kreutzer") (1803)
• Opus 96: Violin Sonata No. 10 in G major (1812)
Cello sonatas
• Opus 5: Two Cello Sonatas (1796)
• Cello Sonata No. 1 in F major
• Cello Sonata No. 2 in G minor
• Opus 69: Cello Sonata No. 3 in A major (1808)
• Opus 102: Two Cello Sonatas (1815)
• Cello Sonata No. 4 in C major
• Cello Sonata No. 5 in D major
Horn sonatas
• Opus 17: Horn Sonata in F major (1800)
Solo piano music
Piano sonatas
• Opus 2: Three Piano Sonatas (1795)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 1 in F minor
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 2 in A major
• No. 3: Piano Sonata No. 3 in C major
• Opus 7: Piano Sonata No. 4 in E-flat major (1797)
• Opus 10: Three Piano Sonatas (1798)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 5 in C minor
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 6 in F major
• No. 3: Piano Sonata No. 7 in D major
• Opus 13: Piano Sonata No. 8 in C minor ("Pathétique") (1798)
• Opus 14: Two Piano Sonatas (1799)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 9 in E major
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 10 in G major
• Opus 22: Piano Sonata No. 11 in B-flat major (1800)
• Opus 26: Piano Sonata No. 12 in A-flat major ("Funeral March") (1801)
• Opus 27: Two Piano Sonatas (1801)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 13 in E-flat major 'Sonata quasi una fantasia'
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor 'Sonata quasi una fantasia' ("Moonlight")
• Opus 28: Piano Sonata No. 15 in D major ("Pastoral") (1801)
• Opus 31: Three Piano Sonatas (1802)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 16 in G major
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 17 in D minor ("Tempest")
• No. 3: Piano Sonata No. 18 in E-flat major ("The Hunt")
• Opus 49: Two Piano Sonatas (1792)
• No. 1: Piano Sonata No. 19 in G minor
• No. 2: Piano Sonata No. 20 in G major
• Opus 53: Piano Sonata No. 21 in C major ("Waldstein") (1803)
• WoO 57: Andante Favori - Original middle movement of the "Waldstein" sonata (1804)
• Opus 54: Piano Sonata No. 22 in F major (1804)
• Opus 57: Piano Sonata No. 23 in F minor ("Appassionata") (1805)
• Opus 78: Piano Sonata No. 24 in F-sharp major ("A Thérèse") (1809)
• Opus 79: Piano Sonata No. 25 in G major (1809)
• Opus 81a: Piano Sonata No. 26 in E-flat major ("Les adieux/Lebewohl") (1810)
• Opus 90: Piano Sonata No. 27 in E minor (1814)
• Opus 101: Piano Sonata No. 28 in A major (1816)
• Opus 106: Piano Sonata No. 29 in B-flat major ("Hammerklavier") (1819)
• Opus 109: Piano Sonata No. 30 in E major (1820)
• Opus 110: Piano Sonata No. 31 in A-flat major (1821)
• Opus 111: Piano Sonata No. 32 in C minor (1822)
Variations
• Opus 34: Six variations on an original theme in F major (1802)
• Opus 35: Fifteen variations and a fugue on an original theme in E-flat major ("Eroica Variations") (1802)
• Opus 76: Six variations on an original theme in D major (1809)
• Opus 120: Thirty-three variations on a waltz by Diabelli in C major ("Diabelli Variations") (1823)
• WoO 80: Thirty-two variations on an original theme in C minor (1806)
Bagatelles
• Opus 33: Seven Bagatelles (1802)
• Opus 119: Eleven new Bagatelles (1822)
• Opus 126: Six Bagatelles (1823)
• WoO 52: Presto (Bagatelle) for piano in C minor (1795, rev. 1798 and 1822)[2]
• WoO 53: Allegretto (Bagatelle) for piano in C minor (1796-97)[2]
• WoO 54: Lustig-Traurig (Bagatelle) for piano in C major (1802)[2]
• WoO 56: Allegretto (Bagatelle) for piano in C major (1803, rev. 1822)[2]
• WoO 59: Poco moto (Bagatelle) in A minor, "Für Elise" (c. 1810)[2]
• WoO 60: Ziemlich lebhaft (Bagatelle) for piano in B-flat major (1818)[2]
Vocal music
Opera
• Opus 72: Leonore (1805) The first version in three acts
• Opus 72: Leonore (1806) The second version in two acts
• Opus 72: Fidelio (1814) The final version in two acts
Choral
• Opus 80: Choral Fantasy for solo piano, chorus, and orchestra (1808)
• Opus 85: Christus am Ölberge (Christ on the Mount of Olives) – oratorio (1803)
• Opus 86: Mass in C major (1807)
• Opus 112: Meeresstille und glückliche Fahrt (Calm Sea and Prosperous Voyage), for chorus and orchestra (1815)
• Opus 123: Missa Solemnis in D major (1822)
Song
• Opus 46: "Adelaide" – song (1794-1795)
• Opus 48: "Gellert Songs" – song set (1802)
• Opus 98: An die ferne Geliebte – song cycle (1816)
• Opus 108: Twenty-five Scottish Songs

What is my point?

I have more than one point.

1. Our new president is pro-abortion. This is important to remember because this type of thinking carries over into other decisions that will be made. Depending on your value system, this will either be a good or a bad thing. Clinton was the only other president we have had who was pro-abortion. If you have no problem with Clinton's morals and moral choices as the leader of the USA, then you will have no problem with Obama.

2. You fight against the death penalty for despicable animals who rape and murder and torture children to death. You hold candle light vigils for them if ever they DO get put to death; you claim to value all life because all life is sacred, and because society ought not be in the business of playing God. Are unborn babies not a LEAST as human as these barbarians? Why does your compassion stop with brutes? Your hypocrisy is showing.

3. We worry about Global Warming (Climate change). We are urgently trying to find find clean energy sources. We want to invent automobiles that don't run on fossil fuels. And so much more. But...

I genuinely worry that we have already killed those unborn Einsteins and Thomas Edisons who could have solved these problems for us. And have we already aborted the diplomat that would have finally brought the warring parties of the Middle East together? The scientist who had in his unborn brain the cure for cancer? Have we killed her too? Did the modern day George Washington Carver, the one who had the key to producing new foods to feed the starving children of the world — did his mangled fetus end up in the garbage can too?

What if it is already too late? Or what if at the very least we have had civilization's salvation deferred for untold generations?

Does anyone honestly believe that, had Beethoven been aborted, as he should have been, that someone else would have simply come along later and write all his music? I don't think so.

Let's face up to the facts: a whole lot of things have been lost to us forever.

I don't have all the answers. I am really quite a simple person, truth be told. So please, in your comments explain to me how I just don't get it.

49,551,703 since 1973. And counting.

One man's opinion

2009-01-01T11:32:00.003-07:00

Obama loses his shirt

2008-12-26T10:50:00.002-07:00

Stock markets continue their plunge. President-Elect not immune.

Vast left-wing conspiracy?

2008-12-20T11:17:00.004-07:00

Fact: George W. Bush is the first right-handed president since Jimmy Carter.

This may not have occurred to you, but these are the sort of things you depend on this blogger to point out to you.

Reagan? Left-handed. Although he was forced to learn to write with his right hand. George the first? A lefty. Clinton? Faaaar left. Obama? Extremely left-handed.

What if McCain had won? Wouldn't have mattered, he is left-handed as well.

10% of the population is left-handed. 18% of all U.S. Presidents have been left-handed.

Don't tell me I'm not onto something here.

Young Love

2008-12-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

They say for every boy and girl
There's just one love in this whole world
And I-I-I-I know-ow I've found mine.
The heavenly touch of your embrace
Tells me no one could take your place
Ev-ev-ev-ev-ever in my heart.

Young love, first love,
Fillllllled with true devotion.
Young love, our love,
We share with deeeeeep. Emotion.

Just one kiss from your sweet lips
Will tell me that your love is real,
And I-I-I can feee-el that it's true.
We will vow to one another
There will never be another ::suppress laughter here::
Love-uv-uv for you-oo... or for me.

Young love, first love,
Fillllllled with true devotion.
Young love, our love,
We share with deeeeeep. Emotion.

Dum. Deedum. Deedum. Deedum..... ::fade out::

Another Senator Kennedy

2008-12-12T10:19:00.010-07:00

Caroline Kennedy wants to be appointed by New York's governor to fill the senate seat soon to be vacated by new Secretary of State Hillary ~~Clingon~~ Clinton.

Mindful of the current selling of her idol Barack Obama's Illinois senate seat, she asked the New York governer, when she called him, to pretend she wasn't interested.

This blog would like to add its endorsement to the selection of JFK and Jackie's surviving offspring for the office. We feel her qualifications to be a U.S. Senator are far superior to anything the Democrats would normally require, to wit:

1. Her name is Kennedy.

2. She has sat on the board of the JFK Library.

3. She has presented the library's "Profiles in Courage" award.

4. Her name is Kennedy.

5. She spent the last year playing a crucial role* in Barack Obama's election campaign.

6. She has provided personal care** for Uncle Teddy during his recent illness.

7. Her name is Kennedy.

8. Her cousin, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., has said she would be an ideal candidate.

9. She is a trained attorney who doesn't practice law.

10. Her name is Kennedy.

11. She has "dabbled in legal scholarship and New York civic life"*** while raising three children with her husband and a staff of nannies.

12. She reportedly knows the words to "Camelot" by heart.

13. Her name is Kennedy.

14. She is honorary chairwoman of the American Ballet Theatre.

15. She has held a $1-per-year job within the New York City Department of Education, raising money for a private charity that supported public schools.****

16. Her name is Kennedy.

17. She has compared Obama to her father.*****

18. She has stood side-by-side with Oprah Winfrey in Los Angeles.

19. Her name is...

Well, by now you should be able to see what her real qualification is. Anybody want to bet on who the governor will appoint as New York's replacement senator?

*Caroline was told by her Uncle Teddy to endorse Obama last winter.

**Wiping drool and froth from his mouth.

***Whatever the fuck that means.

****But quit the job in the second year when she was told by family members that, "$1 a year isn't really that much money, Missy."

*****Yeah. Like she remembers her father.

"Let them eat cake." (Marie Antoinette, of the breadless peasants)

2008-11-20T07:46:00.015-07:00

This post is not so much satire as it is astonishment and disbelief.

1. The "big three" American automakers, GM, Ford, and Chrysler, are in deep trouble. Have been for years, for many reasons.

2. Seeing the Wall Street bailout, they are trying to jump on the bandwagon and are asking congress for $25 billion. Just because. Loss of jobs, and ancillary domino effect, you know.

3. They came to Washington yesterday (Tuesday) to testify before Congress on why they should get this money. All three CEOs were there, sitting side by side. Amazing. They each told Congress why they should get this bailout. Some of their points were valid. I assume they promised to be good stewards of this amazing amount of money if they get it. And they say they MUST get it.

So.... what is the astonishing and unbelievable part of this post? Other than the fact that they have been pissing away money like Niagara Falls for 50 years and mismanaging their businesses like a drunken sailor? Well...

1. They came to Congress crying "poor, poor", but they came in private jets. Individual private jets which are only one of several owned by their companies for their (and their families') convenience. They couldn't fly commercial, not even first class. And, God forbid, they couldn't drive one of the cars they make.

All of these companies have been losing lots of dollars. Billions and billions of dollars. In return for this feat of losing money, each of these CEOs receives compensation of many millions of dollars each. Like in the neighborhood of $20 million a year. Just as a "thank you" for being such a bad manager.

4. We could BUY GM - the whole company - lock stock and barrel - five times over for the same money we would be "lending" the "big three." - $25 billion. Or so I've read. But who in their right mind would want to buy a company that is constantly on the verge of bankruptcy, and hasn't seen a profit in most of the current generation's lifetime?

Your Congress is at work. Be very afraid. Let's hope even these dead-brains won't loan these guys taxpayer money. Spend it on job retraining instead, please.

Oh, Please! PLEASE let us stay in Iraq! We'll do ANYTHING!

2008-11-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

I see in the news today that Iraq is close to approving a pact which will allow the U.S. to stay in Iraq through 2011. Apparently they will let us stay if we agree not to have troops in the cities. We will still be free to die outside the cities. So that's cool.

Question: why are we (the U.S. Government in the person of George W. Bush) fighting so hard to get this "agreement" approved? If they don't sign it, then we come home at the end of this year. What is so bad about that?

At the very least, we shouldn't take action until our new president takes office. He may have less interest in staying in Iraq at all. Just let the current one expire and stop fighting except in self defense for a few weeks. It is possible that in the short interim, the Iraqi government may decide it is a good idea for America to stay and let them stay alive for awhile. I don't think we should, though.

In my opinion, this has long since turned into another Vietnam. If even the Iraqi government has to have it's arm twisted to "let" us stay, then why stay? I think we just screwed up a perfect chance to come home and let them fight it out themselves. Plus we also had to agree to let Iraq try our troops in their courts. I don't like that because it is still a war zone where civilians are getting killed by accident every day.

Welcome Aboard!

2008-11-12T07:52:00.007-07:00

President-elect B.H. Obama, wasting no time in the face of the economic crisis, today selected as his new Secretary of the Treasury, the genial Bob Cratchit.

Rather than choosing someone who is good at handling money, the President-Elect said he "went with my heart on this one" and chose someone from the ranks of the common folk, his primary political base.

"I thought it was more important to send a message, to the people who voted for me, and to the misguided right, as well as to the rest of the world, both friends and foe alike, all of whom I will soon be speaking with on a personal one-on-one basis, just to get to know their special interests, that my administration will be a grass-roots operation from the top down, or the bottom up, just as I promised; or if I didn't promise that, it could be assumed by one and all that is surely what I meant."

Mr. Obama went on to say (we think) that he decided against choosing a person with banking experience, or even executive experience, because those kinds of people have often failed us in the past, and mostly are Republicans anyway.

The returned clothes fund of Sara Palin will be used to outfit Mr. Cratchit.

Good luck Bob Cratchit, and to all the assorted little Cratchits!

Lest we forget

2008-11-11T00:04:00.002-07:00

Today is veterans's Day in the USA (Remembrance Day in Canada).

Today we honor those who serve, or have served in our Military.

Today we again pray for end to war.

WWII Memorial

Korean War Memorial

Vietnam Wall

Iraq

Semper Fidelis

Have you ever wondered why...

2008-11-10T02:36:00.000-07:00

... A lot of the attacks on our freedoms seem to be coming from our own government?

A Sloth?

2008-11-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

Government by its very nature is a close kin to the sloth: Slow moving, not too bright, and infested with parasites, generally sleeps 18 hours a day, and is virtually deaf. Like the sloth, government feeds on only one thing.

For the government this food is red tape.

New cabinet appointments begin

2008-11-06T08:11:00.005-07:00

Wasting no time, President-Elect Barack Obama today announced his first cabinet appointee, good friend William "Bill" Ayers, as Secretary of Defense.

Asked what prompted the choice, the Chosen One shuffled his feet a bit and then mumbled, "Professor Ayers is familar with the Pentagon."

God bless America.

The Loyal Opposition begins to close ranks. Hail To The Chief

2008-11-05T06:53:00.003-07:00

Please welcome America's new First Family:

Sasha, Michelle, Barack, Malia.

Godspeed.

Almost over

2008-11-04T15:30:00.003-07:00

As I write this, it is only about an hour and a half before the polls begin to close in the East. Soon we will begin to see the results of the real poll instead of the pretend polls that have represented various people's guesswork and predictions. Will it be an Obama landslide as most guess-polls have predicted? Will it be really close and go far into the night before the next president is known, as McCain has suggested?

Doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that the real non-guess poll is now finally underway. Good luck to both candidates. Whoever wins will need a lot of help.

But please don't overlook the race that is so much more important than the race for president. If the Dems gather the magic number of 60 in the Senate, there will no longer be any opposition voice in congress. That means so much more than who wins the title of president. And the way it looks now, that is very likely to happen.

Very interesting indeed.

Obama wins ...

2008-11-04T07:29:00.003-07:00

... or so they are saying early on.

Polls say it's in the bag for Obama-Biden!

2008-11-02T00:39:00.000-06:00

You'll shoot your eye out, McCain!"

Ho! Ho! Ho!

What's not to love?

2008-11-01T09:06:00.002-06:00

American Guy Fawkes Day

2008-10-30T00:08:00.004-06:00

As many of you know, if you have been following the American presidential election, "...the first Tuesday after the first monday in November" is the American Guy Fawkes Day. We celebrate it one day before the British and others do this year.

It will be a little different, of course. The destroyer of the American system of government, as we have come to know it, will be toasted instead of pilloried, and inaugural balls and general ass-kissing will replace bonfires.

Barack Obama is a likable - albeit extremely naive and economically uninformed* - sort of guy: a rather odd combination of Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, and Vladimir Lenin. He's just what the doctor ordered to put America's house in order, according to the outside world and (of course) the legions of blindly unthinking zombie-like leftist Dems.

These people are compassionate, they want to improve the plight of the poor and "underprivileged." Admirable. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to help one's fellow man (or fellow American, as it were.) The answer? Isn't it obvious? So simple - take the money from people who have it and give it to people who DON'T have it.

Change. Oh, my, yes, there will be change.

Is the world now ready for the new American socialist state, patterned after the failed Russian system we all knew and loved? The new massive redistribution of wealth, unseen since 1917, sprouting like an unholy Phoenix from the ashes of LBJ's Great Society?

Change. Oh, my, yes, get ready for change, world. You win.

Gone, finally will be the rich elite who get all the tax breaks. No more rich. To paraphrase Lenin, "The new order has no need for capitalists." No more rich elite. The bastards who worked their asses off to build businesses and wealth. The bastards who create jobs and pay people's salaries. No need for them. Tax them into poverty. Tax them out of business. Let the government run things. Let the government provide the jobs.

Barack Obama: "Let's spread the wealth around."

Sure. Take it from the ones who earned it and spread it on the non-producers. Encourage the opposite of the American Dream. That's the ticket. Karl Marx would be proud. And soon (do you hear the angels singing, here?) the world can love America again.

You win, world. Get ready for the biggest failed welfare state the planet has ever seen. You think you have economic woes now? You ain't seen nothin' yet.

*Anyone who thinks it is possible to make lasting social improvements by taking rewards from visionary asset-producers and giving a huge portion of those rewards instead to poor people or, worse, to total non-producers, is economically uninformed, by definition. They would do well to study the lessons of the late Soviet Union, and compare the current economies of North Korea and South Korea.

Socialism doesn't work. When are we going to get that? Some is needed: pure capitalism is cruel and cold. But the correct recipe calls for a teaspoonful, not a gallon.

Our recommendation for president

2008-10-28T18:42:00.005-06:00

After careful analysis of the two candidates, we have arrived at our recommendation for your voting consideration. We strongly urge you follow our endorsement. Thank you.

Actually, for those 3 of you who actually read this blog, we gave our recommendation 'way back at the end of July. Our recommendation has not changed.

So just click here to see who we called.

Please - just don't. If you do, it only encourages the bastards.

It's all over but the shouting!

2008-10-25T11:56:00.006-06:00

The fat lady is singing! It's in the bag for Obama!

The polls show his lead widening. The news media have called it. The good news that Whoopie and her View crew have been proclaiming for months is all but official: Hail to the chief!

Finally, real change is in store for America. Isn't it just about time? Hallelujah! I can't wait! The long national nightmare is over! Happy days are here again!

No need for the good guys to threaten to run off to Canada.

The changes will probably be obvious only minutes after the One takes office. Thank you God.

For Redbeard and Richard: Zombies explained

2008-10-18T11:46:00.006-06:00

I stole this from Petra who stole it from god knows who. I thought I had already posted this theft. You simply must watch this clip.

Did I post it already? Sure seems familiar. Too much trouble to look in the archives. Watch it again, please.

Redbeard and Richard. Visit at your own risk.

Henry The Traveling Condom says...

2008-10-16T09:37:00.004-06:00

I found these words on another blog in my travels a week or so ago, but can't remember where. Have seen them a couple places since, so I guess I am not the only one who is stealing them.

"The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed."

No charge for comments today, but you must be nice to me.

A new generation

2008-10-15T10:10:00.004-06:00

This one is not Palestinian, but Israeli. I am not posting this to condemn, because I don't know enough about it and I don't live over there. But I am sad nonetheless.

Why not. What the hell.

2008-10-12T21:27:00.001-06:00

Comparing Dicks

2008-10-07T07:25:00.002-06:00

Why do the ego-driven leaders of big countries always feel the need to constantly compare dicks? Bush looks to be on the short end again.

Obama: Biden replaced with "someone more intelligent"

2008-10-02T10:48:00.010-06:00

In a rather unusual turn of events, Presidential Annointed One Barrack Obama replaced running mate Little Joey Biden today with Uncle Fester.

The move was not totally unexpected, however, given Senator Biden's recent remarks telling California voters they could just "shove their support up their ass", and,"I ask you, who the hell needs California? Or New York for that matter? Fuck 'em all." The statement was made during the nationally televised VP debate Thursday night. The gaffe came after the VP debate moderator asked Biden to respond to the statement from a San Diego child that "Biden's hair looks funny."

Biden later attempted to retract his statement, saying at first that he was "only joking, for Christ's sake," and then later asserting that he had really meant to say Wyoming and South Dakota. Apparently Mr. Obama wasn't buying either story. Biden's debate opponent, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, simply shrugged her shoulders and offered, "What are you going to do? Biden is a cretin. Everyone knows that."

Uncle Fester, laid up with a broken leg from a recent meth lab explosion, was unavailable for comment at press time.

Our favorite first debate exerpt.

2008-09-28T11:30:00.000-06:00

LEHRER: Two minutes, how you see the lessons of Iraq, Senator Obama?

OBAMA: Well, this is an area where Senator McCain and I have a fundamental difference because I think the first question is whether we should have gone into the war in the first place...

MCCAIN: (Responding to Sen. Obama's assertation that the U.S. should not have gone into Iraq): The next president of the United States is not going to have to address the issue as to whether we went into Iraq or not. The next president of the United States is going to have to decide how we leave, when we leave, and what we leave behind. That's the decision of the next president of the United States.

Loving America #271: keeping one's ass clean

2008-09-27T04:05:00.000-06:00

News Flash! Just Out! Obama's skin color may cost him some white votes! Read all about it!

2008-09-20T08:44:00.014-06:00

The results of a new poll have just been released. It was conducted by Yahoo! and AP, so you know it must be true. Also, Stanford University was in on it too, although the pollsters don't make it clear how. Perhaps students were put on the phones in return for promises of pizza.

But the main thing is the shocking results of this poll! ----------------

This poll clearly shows that some white peoples' votes WILL BE AFFECTED BECAUSE OBAMA IS BLACK!!!!!

Oh, Christ! It's even worse than that! The poll also shows that SOME WHITES HARBOR NEGATIVE VIEWS TOWARDS ALL BLACKS!!!!!

Can this possibly be true? JESUS JOSEPH AND MARY!!!!! Who would have suspected this??

Thank God for polls and pollsters! Holy horseradish, but this was money well-spent! WHO FUCKING KNEW????

Doesn't this give you pause? Doesn't it start you to thinking? I mean, what if a similar poll were taken of black Americans? Yeah! What if? Is it possible such a poll might indicate a tiny percentage of blacks are not in love with whites, either? The mere concept boggles the mind. Best not think of that until tomorrow, Scarlett.

According to the Yahoo! article that ran the poll today, "The pollsters set out to determine why Obama is locked in a close race with McCain even as the political landscape seems to favor Democrats." [Or at least it seems to favor Democrats if you are a Democrat, I suppose.]

"There are a lot fewer bigots than there were 50 years ago, but that doesn't mean there's only a few bigots," said Stanford political scientist Paul Sniderman who helped analyze the exhaustive survey.

Ummm...are you SURE there are a lot fewer bigots than there were 50 years ago, Pauly? Did you take a survey on that? That's another issue that the black community in America might be able to shed some light on for you, dude. Should your white polling ass care to venture into their neighborhoods and knock on their doors.

But McCain has his own problems, right? I mean, other than only 3 blacks are going to vote for him, and even those will be ballot mistakes.

For example:

1. He is politically tied to a moron, the current inhabitant of the White House, who still can't find the bathroom there without directions from the Secret Service.

2. He is older than fucking spaghetti. And some rocks.

3. He is apparently halfway honest. Not a good trait in a politician.

BUT.

As Americans, both black and white, are fond of saying: "What the fuck?"

For most of us, the election is, after all, only a temporary diversion from Washington's business as usual. Which will continue uninterrupted on January 21st. It's sort of like going out and having fun on the weekend. In the back of your mind, you know Monday is gonna be coming around very soon.

Go for it, baby.

The World Wants Obama

2008-09-14T10:57:00.009-06:00

The BBC has run a world poll about the American presidential election. At least they polled the countries they considered important.

The results: Only the USA doesn't overwhelmingly want Obama! Holy Shit!

"People outside the US would prefer Barack Obama to become US president ahead of John McCain, a BBC World Service poll suggests."

An American reading this lead-in header to that poll is admittedly tempted to say, "Really? Who gives a flying fuck?" and turn the page. But wait! Do you REALLY not care that 82% of Kenyans (Obama's father's home country) favor him to become U.S. President? Why isn't that important to you?

Most of you know that Relax Max, the author of this incredibly inane blog, would much prefer that neither candidate would become president. Surely the USA can do without a president for 8 years or more. Not only would you save over $3 million in salary, no wars that started during that timeframe would include American troops. And hardly any foreign country would be fucked with. Or given any money by the USA. Cool.

But.

That isn't going to happen. One of these assholes is going to get elected.

And, if you let Kenya vote, McCain can kiss his white old ass goodbye, and Alaska's wild moose population can start pissing their pants again everytime they hear a helicopter. Or something like that.

I think that's the point of this BBC poll. Naw. It has no point.

Please also note, just in case you may have thought the poll had a tiny bit of relevance, that it was taken before either party's convention. Heh.

Shee-it.

Changes are in store.

2008-09-07T12:18:00.001-06:00

Squeal like a pig America! Obama is totally unstoppable now!

2008-09-03T11:21:00.023-06:00

McCain tosses in the towel!

Senator John McCain: "Hopeless! Utterly hopeless! How can we hope to stop the awesome juggernaut that is the Shining Obama Machine! He is the Chosen One! Join me in bowing to his greatness!"

McCain shocked much of the world today by apparently surrendering to the inevitible, dropping to his knees in despair, his shoulders shaking with the bitter dregs of certain defeat.

McCain sobbed heartrenderingly. "Why even bother with a convention? This Savior Of All Mankind is unstoppable!"

Indeed it would seem so. Shackled by his long record of service and willingness to work with others for the common good of his country, McCain practically melted into the sidewalk when compared to the Chosen One's long weeks of community service (not to mention some pro bono legal work) to the helpless Rappers of Chicago's South Side. How could people even begin to compare records!

And the running mate debacle was the last straw that broke McCain's hated Republican back. How could a woman - a WOMAN! - a woman whose record of ferreting out corruption, even in her own party, or her hatred for bloated big government, or her TINY RECORD of effecting change and getting things done... how could that possibly compare to the lifetime of almost-incredible near-successes of the powerful man known in his hometown as "Little Joey Biden"?

How ironic that if McCain WERE to die in office, the country would be in good hands, but that Obama would HAVE to die for the country to be in good hands! Oh! What has brought us to this sorry state? "It 'twas..It 'twas...'SOAP POISONING'"

So, let this be a lesson to all dumbass Republicans out there: GIVE IT UP! Learn your lesson well, and begin to listen carefully to the advice of the Lofty Sages who live in the European Union: listen as they counsel you as to the road you must take in order to make them love America again. The importance of their love is so vital to America's success. Heed well! Nor should that important South African swing vote be overlooked! Give it up, McCain!

After all, if the last two presidential elections are any indication, about all the Republicans have going for them are the votes of the American people! You can't win elections that way!

GIVE IT UP! The day of the Chosen One and his First Lady-elect has arrived! Deliverance is at hand!

Odds and ends

2008-08-29T08:39:00.009-06:00

My favorite Google Adsense ad for today:

Traveling to Iraq soon?
Start planning your trip with VirtualTourist.com! You'll find travel guides and reviews with real traveler tips and photos on hotels, restaurants, nightlife, shopping and things to do (or not do). You can even meet locals in Iraq and make friends with them before your trip!
--------

Still thinking of a caption for the below pic. Possibilities so far:
1. Tourist photo op: Daily life in Pakistan.
2. Mathematically challenged.
3. "Move that one box a little bit more forward, Hammie."
4. Where the fuck's PETA when you really need them?

Three letters to Mr. Putin

2008-08-20T06:09:00.005-06:00

(I will not tell where I stole these from. But rest assured they were plagiarized in an honest manner.)

Letter #1 from George Bush (who owes me big time):

Dear Vlad:

Beijing is weird. First of all, you can't breathe the air. Second, how 'bout those drummers? Whoa! MIL-I-TAR-Y PRE-CI-SION!

Hey, which reminds me. What's up with Georgia? This is not good, Vlad. If you don't stop, I'm going to have to do something, and you know I don't like doing things, right? What I want is for you to not make me look like a fool.

Here's the deal, Vlad. I love ya man. But you gotta stop this. If you don't call a cease-fire and leave those Georgians alone, I'm going to have to whomp you upside the head. Just kiddin'. But you know how this looks. Invading a sovereign neighboring state is unacceptable in the 21st century - blah blah blah - and you're hurting Russia's image in the world.

Whatever.

Hey, gotta split. It's Kobe time. Take care and give my love to that cute little gymnast of yours.

Ciao amigo,

Bushy

P.S. Did you catch the American women's beach volleyball team?

--------

Second letter, from Sen. Barack Obama:

Dear (Former) President Putin:

I'm sorry to be writing this e-mail instead of meeting you in person, preferably in the Oval Office, where I belong. Soon, soon.

Nevertheless, and notwithstanding the foregoing, I felt it imperative that I express my deep concern about Russia's invasion of the tiny, democratically elected sovereign nation of Georgia. It would appear that you are not familiar with my platform for change and hope. War does not fit into this template and I am quite frankly at a loss for words to express my deep, deep distress.

As the chosen leader of a new generation of Americans who speak a global language of peace, hope, harmony and change, this is simply unacceptable. Quite frankly, your actions pose potentially severe, long-term consequences. I'm not sure what those might be, but they won't be nice or fun.

Please picture me looking very serious when I say that I respectfully request you to calm down. Life is but a flicker in time and we're but actors strutting and fretting. That is to say, we're all on this planetary journey together and our karma is interrelated and interdependent. Thus, it would seem that our differences are best resolved through words, not bombs.

It is said that war is a failure of diplomacy. I would submit that it is also counterintuitive. If my Kenyan father and my Kansan mother and my multinational upbringing taught me anything, it is that we are all One. That said, I am the One the world has been waiting for - and you are, quite frankly, blocking my chi.

As soon as possible, I'd like to sit down and begin talking about how we can resolve these and other differences that threaten peace-loving people, which I'm sure includes you. I haven't looked into your eyes and would never presume to know your soul, but I do know that we share a common humanity and that we can all just get along.

Yours in Global Harmony

Acting President Barack Obama

--------

Third letter. From Senator John McCain:

Hey, Putin.

Don't make me come over there.

McCain.

McCain: "Who knew there was an internet?"

2008-08-16T02:15:00.014-06:00

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) tries to hide his face in shame as he is informed of the existance of the internet, and that he could have been using it all along to get his message out to the people.

As the senator logged on to the internet for the first time, the room was filled with reporters, anxious to record the historic moment. With the help of his wife Cindy, McCain soon opened a browser and watched as she typed in an address. He seemed genuinely taken aback as images began to appear on the screen as if by magic.

The senator was a fast learner, however, and before long he had visited Amazon.com, and had even posted a question on Yahoo! dot com: "Can someone finally explain to me the difference between Sunnis and Shites?"

McCain then told the reporters that Americans should not be concerned that he was not in tune with mainstream America, and that he wanted to reasure them he was up-to-date on the latest technology, in spite of simply never having heard of the internet.

"That aside, I am really a very hip cat", the Senator said, pausing to cough up what appeared to be a large piece of boiled cabbage, "for example, tomorrow morning I intend to do my morning walk wearing my brand new Walkman Radio."

Reporters merely looked at each other nervously. There were no questions. Cindy had disappeared.

-----------------------

This just in: Obama now leads McCain in frequent flyer miles; next trip to Iraq will be free, aides say.

This may well be the most important thing you read all year!

2008-08-10T19:09:00.026-06:00

Do you know in what way anointed President Obama and Wannabe John McCain are the same? —

BUTT VERY DIFFERENT ON THE ONE ISSUE THAT REALLY MATTERS?

Answer: They are the same because they've BOTH smoked Marlboro cigarettes!

That means they BOTH deserve your vote equally!

That much is obvious...

Here is the deciding factor — John McCain smoked Marlboro LIGHTS! Yes! A fucking WIMP!

If you were undecided yesterday, NOW YOU KNOW WHO THE BEST MAN REALLY IS!

Vote Obama in November!

The choice is clear!

Should the leader of the Free World smoke a sissy light cigarette? McCain made his bed years ago —

NOW LET HIM LIE IN IT!

C'mon C'mon, let's all get happy!

2008-08-05T08:58:00.002-06:00

Would someone please tell these people they are about to get a promotion? This is not a sad thing, folks? C'mon! Let me see those pearly whites! Tickle tickle tickle!

Being leader of the Free World not doing if for you Barry? JUST WHAT THE FUCK WOULD CHEER YOU UP, THEN?!!!!????

What the fuck, Google???

2008-08-02T01:25:00.011-06:00

Google AdSense is supposed to serve up ads which are in context with the subject of the blog post, right?

All of us here at WayHarsh are great fans of Reverend Al, seeing as how he provides us with so many delicious posts, and this shit hardly seems fair. The above photo was lifted directly off a nameless blog who was running Google AdSense (and not making a fucking penny any more than the rest of us, probably) and just look at what Google comes up with for ads. Bullshit.

Is this really the best Google could come up with? You'd think Rev. Al would deserve at least some more respect than this! It doesn't take much imagination to come up with a couple of more suitable advertising choices that Google could have run for Rev. Al. There are a lot of products to choose from, actually. Can you think of any more?

Reverend Al may be many things, but, holy shit! the poor guy is not a sex offender! Give us a break, Google!

[Note: the picture at the top of this post is not "doctored" - Google AdSense really was serving those exact ads when we stumbled across that blog.]

Vote "None of the Above". Stay home. Watch TV. Laugh at those who went and stood in line for nothing.

2008-07-28T19:13:00.011-06:00

Has any politician ever really done anything for you?

Has any politician ever kept his promises?

Has any politician not wasted your money?

Why do you keep voting for them?

Did you know that doing the same thing over and over and over, yet expecting a different result, is the very definition of insanity? It is what a crazy person does.

Vote for a new American revolution. Stay home this November. Don't be a party to any of their lies. Don't listen to any of them. The answer is not more of the same, only with a different face in the White House. The answer is a Constitutional Convention. It is SO long overdue!

Take back your country. Sign a petition to force a vote in your state for a Constitutional Convention NOW!

McCain's experience is not the answer.

Obama's inexperience is not the answer.

The status quo is not the answer.

Change simply for the sake of change is not the answer.

No politician is the answer.

Vote for nobody.

Power to the people!

Off we go on vacation

2008-07-13T01:45:00.000-06:00

We will be back the 24th.

We are off to scout locations for Henry.

We will miss you all.

Please keep the politicians and such under control while we're gone!

New Series: Henry The Traveling Condom

2008-07-10T01:10:00.000-06:00

One of my biggest blogging idols is Olga The Traveling Bra. I truly revere Olga. In my mind, she is probably second only to Angelika. The latter goes without saying, of course: no one is really in Angelika's blogging class. So, in the regular NON-Angelika class of blogs, Olga is at the top of the list of my idols.

I fully realize that some of you are already trying to see a pattern here between Angelika and Olga (both are black) but there really is no connection. They are both simply brilliant bloggers with a fantastic and well-deserved following. That, and the fact that I like to mention their names on this blog frequently, for search-engine purposes. You understand.

I hasten to add that neither of these talented bloggers knows that Relax Max is in awe of them, or that they are both his idols, because l have always been too intimidated by their greatness to comment on their blogs. Also, I am not smart enough, usually, to understand their posts, so that is also a stumbling block to commenting.

Because Olga has no clue of my admiration for her (or no clue that I even exist, for that matter) it is not likly she will discover what I am doing here before it is too late. She almost surely doesn't know this blog exists. And, of course, it goes without saying that we will never see a blogger of the stature of the lovely Angelika mucking around down here in the dregs of the blogosphere.

What I started out to say here, before I slid into that incredibly embarrassing ass-kissing session outlined above, was that Olga has inspired a sort of parallel blogging character that I intend to (temporarily) bring to life in homage to Olga. I will call this character "Henry The Traveling Condom."

I envision Henry "traveling" (being mailed) to various people all over the world, and being befriended by these recipients. Henry's mission in life will be to promote camaraderie between peoples of all nations, as well as to encourage frequent, comradely, sex.

The qualifications for hosting Henry haven't been completely worked out yet, but the idea is the same (almost the same) as Olga: we will expect Henry to be flaunted in various public locations and to have plenty of pictures taken.

Of course the MAIN idea of this is - and you could expect no less from Relax Max - is to have each recipient wear Henry while they engage in sex in various parts of the world. No photos are to be taken of the actual qualifying event! Your signature on the provided affidavit will be more than satisfactory.

Then you will mail Henry back to Relax Max in the envelope provided. Wash him first.

It is as simple as that. We do, of course expect you to take photos before the actual qualifying event, of Henry being "posed" on various public objects, such as statues and landmarks. Pictures of Henry on your finger or rolled onto bicycle handlebars would probably also be amusing. Be extra careful with sharp objects!

We have already lined up our first two participants: one in Texas, and one in Belgium.

Please check back here periodically for photos and updates. Please don't wait too long to check back as there is some concern as to how long Henry will actually hold up. Thank you.

The point? Man, I dunno. Does there have to be a point? What's the point of Olga? It's fun, that's all. Fuck your point.

Official U.S. FDA Disclaimer: "Putting a used condom on your dick, which has recently been used by a stranger, and which probably has holes in it, and which may or may not have even been washed out, is NOT conducive to safe sex."

This is older than hell, but still one of the funniest things I have ever written. Give me a day off - read it again!

2008-07-06T10:10:00.001-06:00

Dick Cheney crashes Letterman show, does 12-minute standup routine ridiculing Letterman's and Clinton's open-heart surgery banter.

The studio audience at the taping of the David Letterman show last Tuesday afternoon were startled to see the Vice-President of the United States walk onto the studio stage, right in the middle of the humerous banter then going on between the host and his special guest, former president Bill Clinton. The two were swapping war stories about their recent personal experiences with open-heart surgery, and the audience was really laughing and having a good time, when, unbelieveably, in walked Dick Cheney.

Cheney was carrying a wooden stool and sat down right in the middle of the stage and began a comedy routine that ended up lasting more than 10 minutes, ridiculing both Clinton and Letterman as "...grossly overreacting to a small event in their lives."

Said the Vice-President, "I'll tell you the real story about Bill Clinton's surgery: the doctors couldn't even find a heart, so they just closed him back up. If he's been exhausted lately, it isn't due to his heart surgery, it's because of his "personal tsunami techniques" with those Asian bar girls."

Mr. Clinton had a frozen grin on his face, but you could tell he didn't really think Cheney was funny.

The Vice-President was merciless, calling Clinton and Letterman "...two liberal pussies who don't have even one decent heart attack between them."

At one point, the vice-president pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt for the audience. "You want to see what a real heart attack looks like? Watch this!" As Cheney grabbed the wires to his pacemaker, it appeared as if he were indeed about to self-induce a heart attack right there on stage. But the cameras switched to Bill Clinton's open-mouthed look of disbelief, and when the camera panned back to Cheney, he was sitting back on his stool with a broad smile on his face, as if to say, "Gotcha!"

Mr. Cheney had the audience practically in tears, totally upstaging Clinton, continuing, without letup, to belittle the former president's surgery. At the end of Cheney's routine, the audience were on their feet clapping and whistling as the vice-president walked offstage in triumph. At this point, Letterman's eyes were literally bugging out of his head, and he was clutching his chest with both hands. Many in the studio audience obviously weren't convinced Letterman was acting.

None of the hilarious footage made it on the air that evening, and viewers at home were simply treated to the good-natured reparte between Letterman and Clinton.

Great Taste, Less Filling

2008-07-05T20:45:00.000-06:00

Sadly, Alzheimers has begun to take its toll

2008-06-29T02:01:00.000-06:00

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., steps off his campaign bus to board his campaign charter, Friday, June 20,2008, at the airport in Minneapolis. McCain was traveling to Canada to give a speech to the Economic Club of Toronto.

McCain seemed genuinely baffled when asked by this reporter why he was going to Toronto, since Canadians can't vote for the U.S. President.

McCain listened intently as his aide whispered in his ear, then replied, "We all have high hopes that this voting injustice will be rectified before November."

As he boarded the small jet, McCain could be seen in heated discussion with the aide, finally pushing him roughly to the tarmac. He then began kicking at the prone man, but other members of McCain's entourage quickly restrained the senator before any of the kicks found their mark.

We had a nice shot of the senator kicking at the fallen aide, but our camera was taken from us during Relax Max's usual obscene tirade at Secret Service agents. As a result, the above pictures really don't have shit to do with this story, but we needed some filler.

(Left, President Bush hard a work with the cares of the Presidency. Right, Hillary Clinton happily concedes to Obama.)

Hanoi Hilton flashbacks

2008-06-26T14:27:00.000-06:00

If president, this man would have the power to order a nuclear attack. How likely is he to love his enemies? Just how stable is this putz of the desert?

But, on the other hand, if Barrack Obama were president, he wouldn't fight back not matter WHAT THE HECK happened. The U.S. could be completely in flames from terrorist attacks, and Barry would want to hold a dialog with them.

HOLY COW!!!

Are these REALLY our choices?

Hold on to your ass America! The upcoming ride is going to be very painful!

!!!WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!!!

THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE!!!

This November, write in the name of RELAX MAX for president!

He's young enough.

He's white enough.

He's arrogant enough.

He's DEFINITELY dumb enough.

Be like Relax Max and just DO it!!!

"I may screw you, but I won't KILL you!!!"

—I'm Relax Max, and I approved this message.

"The world has many problems. Pussy is always the answer." —Relax Max

Hillary wins Max's pussyeating contest tongue-down: licks other two handily

2008-06-11T21:53:00.000-06:00

The results of the scientific Way Hash poll are in: It's Hillary by a tongue slide, sucking in a whopping 69% of the votes! Hillary licked both of her opponents handily: Condi Rice polled in at a respectable 21% and Michelle Obama dragging ass at a paltry 10%.

In all fairness, Condi Rice only discovered her sexuality 2 days before the end of the contest, so she has astronomical "per capita" points. But Hillary, the only contestant who actually campaigned for the title, was far and away the most steady and reliable cunnilingus artist over the long haul. In fact, her lifetime achievement numbers even surpassed her husbands. So it is official: Hillary has eaten more pussy in her life than Bill. But you always suspected that was true, right?

Hillary refused an official request for an interview from Relax Max, but did speak to him a little bit off the record.

Max: Do you actually enjoy mouth-fucking girls? Or is a political thing?

Hillary: Hell yes I enjoy it! I fuckin' LOVE pussy! YUM, baby!

Max: Would you mind showing me your technique?

Hillary: Sure. [She sticks out her tongue slowly. Amazingly it goes clear down to the bottom of her chin. Then she began a "trilling" exercise that made her tongue vibrate in a blur.]

Max: That's fucking erotic, ma'am.

Hillary: Yeah. Well, tough. Ain't none for you asshole. I ain't into dicks no more.

So we've heard.

Condi refused our request for an interview outright, or even to discuss technique over the phone. And Michelle's spokeswoman actually told us to go fuck our dirty-minded honky selves.

Hillary demanded beer, and flipped Max off just as he was taking her picture for this article, but at least we have a picture. Nothing from Michelle and Condi.

"So you really like that big Jew cock, huh baby?"

2008-06-11T11:39:00.001-06:00

"So there was these two fags fuckin' an alligator down by the river, see..."

There was once a comedian by the name of Buddy Hackett. Dead now, of course. I don't remember Buddy myself, not in person anyway. But I saw a tape recently of an old Vegas show he did on HBO once, a zillion or so years ago, and I was literally rolling on the floor.

The only thing I knew about Buddy previous to that was that he had starred in some old Beach Blanket movies with Frankie Avalon and Annette that I had seen the reruns of. And Buddy seemed very tame. Pretty pathetic, in fact.

But his Vegas act was a killer. Christ!

That guy could tell more dirty jokes from memory, than I thought possible, one right after the other. They came at you so fast you didn't have time to recover through the entire show.

A lot were personal recollections of fuckings he had been involved with in his life. Hilarious. He could describe it so that you thought you were right there fucking right along with him.

Buddy said he was in the Army, stationed in England one time. And he was fucking this whore in an alley behind a pub, standing up against a dumpster, and he said her head kept bobbing up and down as he was fucking her, and he thought she was really getting into it, and Buddy was feeling all proud and shit, and so he started in fuck-talking her:

"So you really like that big Jew cock, huh, baby?"

"Yeah, luv. Nice cock you have alright."

"Makes your fuckin' head go crazy, huh?

"errrmm. No, luv. Just a bit o' me scarf tucked in is all..."

Buddy was crazy. Had the Vegas crowd on their knees on the carpet, holding their guts. Just the way he told the stories, not so much how funny they were.

His mind was weird, warped. "The highballs are on me", he screamed, as he told a story about a giraffe fucking an elephant. But it was the way Buddy would goose-step like a cornholed drum-major across the stage that sold the joke to the audience. Buddy walking like a giraffe.

Fuck. Fuck me, he was funny.

Prince Philip to attempt world jump record

2008-06-06T20:24:00.001-06:00

[Wayharsh Exclusive]

Buckingham Palace spokesman Bernie Fartwell announced at a press conference today that the 87 year old Duke of Edinburgh will, on Thursday next, attempt to break the outdoor motorcycle bus-jumping record currently held by the late Evel Knievel.

There was no other elaboration from the palace except to imply that this was a life-long ambition of Prince Philip, and one of the things on his "life list" of things he wants to do before he dies. He has reportedly already checked off "riding in a horse-drawn carriage with the queen of England" and "owning the most military uniforms and medals for a guy who was only a lieutenant".

Obama to be enshrined on Mt. Rushmore

2008-05-31T06:31:00.000-06:00

In the above photo, the Senator is shown with a park ranger, being shown where his face will be going.

[Keystone, SD] It was learned today that plans have been finalized to place the likeness of Illinois Senator Barrack Obama on Mt. Rushmore to honor his incredible contributions to America. His face will replace disgraced slave-owner Thomas Jefferson.
Above, Illinois Senator Barrack Obama strikes one of the possible poses that will be used for the monument's reconstruction.
Above is the artist's depiction of how the finished "New 'Bama Rushmore" might look.

Reached for comment at his Chicago estate, long-time Obama friend and spiritual advisor Rev. Jeremiah Wright (Pictured below, right) said, "While this is a step in the right direction, this will never begin to atone for America injecting the Aids virus into all black people around the world. God damn America! God DAMN America!"
Pictured on the left is an unidentified werewolf attempting unsuccessfully to return to normal. This probably has nothing to do with the "'Bama Rushmore" story, however.

Mary Jo

2008-05-25T04:39:00.000-06:00

HISTORY LESSON: UNTIL HE KILLED MARY JO, TEDDY WAS THE NEXT KENNEDY IN LINE TO BE PRESIDENT.

Old Perv Teddy Kennedy's Head Finally Explodes

2008-05-18T14:03:00.000-06:00

Senator Edward M. Kennedy, D-Ma, was rushed to the hospital today after suffering a seizure on the Senate floor. The seizure appeared to be brought on by by Kennedy's sexual fantasies while staring at a young Senate intern. Here is the story in sequential photographs.

First we see Senator Kennedy staring with sexual fervor at the ass of the young lady as she was bending over to pick up some papers off the floor. Note the intense lustful interest in his gaze.

Next we see, immediately following, the snapping of his brain passages as he begins to experience the seizure.

Here is a picture os Thema Simpkins who claimed that the senator bit her finger as she tried to keep him from swallowing his tongue.

Finally, below is an artist's conception of the way the senator looked during the episode.

Here's The Cocksucker!

2008-05-04T09:03:00.000-06:00

JOSEF FRITZL —Amsttetten, Austria

HERE IS THE COCKSUCKER WHO IMPRISONED HIS DAUGHTER FOR 24 YEARS AND HAD 7 CHILDREN WITH HER!!!!

PLEASE LET THE OFFICIALS IN AUSTRIA KNOW WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD BE DONE WITH HIM! AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT "INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY" BULLSHIT! THIS FUCKER NEEDS TO BE EXECUTED!!!

Castration will be done before execution on this scum

2008-04-29T19:11:00.000-06:00

MAN CONFESSES TO HOLDING DAUGHTER CAPTIVE 24 YEARS!

(Austria) A man has confessed to imprisoning his daughter for 24 years in a windowless cell with a soundproofed door AND FATHERING SEVEN CHILDREN WITH HER!

The daughter, who is now 42, had been missing since 1984. An electronic keyless entry system kept the daughter from escaping from the solid reinforced concrete cell.

JOSEF F. was the only name the cowardly Austria police would give. OF COURSE THE COCKSUCKER'S RIGHTS MUST BE PROTECTED!!! WOULDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS THE PIECE OF SHIT, WOULD WE!!!!!

The girl was only 18 years old when he locked her up. He repeatedly had sex with her and fathered 7 children with her, throwing one in an incinerator at birth.

The man's wife claims she had not idea what was going on. HOW ABOUT ARRESTING THIS CUNT TOO????? Police said she was simply devastated, and her world just fell apart. FUCK THIS!!! LET'S MAKE HER FUCKING HEAD FALL APART!!!!

"The entire nation must ask itself just what is fundamentally going wrong," Der Standard Newspaper said Monday.

WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT IS 'FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG?' WHY ARE THE TOWN'S MEN NOT LYNCHING THESE TWO MOTHERFUCKING SCUMBAGS! I SAY GIVE THEM TO US—WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO TO THEM!!!

Next In Line

2008-04-28T07:39:00.000-06:00

NEXT UP FOR EXECUTION THIS SATURDAY PM IS ZIMBABWE CHIEF COCKSUCKER ROBERT MUGUBE.

Gates open at noon, execution at 3 PM. Please be prompt.

The best political activism is Flower Power.

2008-04-27T09:55:00.000-06:00

Bush Bush

2008-04-25T22:56:00.001-06:00

Cocksucking Politician Hugging Racist Prick America Hater

2008-04-25T22:07:00.000-06:00

Fuckin' the general public...

2008-04-20T20:12:00.000-06:00